Sebben and Sebben Employee Orientation
"Sebben and Sebben Employee Orientation" is the eleventh episode of the third season. It is presented as an educational video introducing new employees’ to the Law Firm of Sebben and Sebben. The Episode is narrated by an off screen voice over, by Ferdinand Jay Smith, and animated to resemble the skips and breaks of a projector film. The orientation is cut in several places with an instructional video of how to assemble and use the juicealux 3000 juicer. Full Summary The opening credits give special thanks to, among many others, Marcus Aurelius, Little Eli Whitney, and Grover Cleveland. Phil Ken Sebben makes an opening statement while on his private jet surrounded by stacks of money. The orientation then begins to tell the history of the Sebben Empire, showing childhood photographs of Phil working with his dad. Each appears to be leading to discovering how Phil lost his eye, including the story of Phil’s brief military service as a bomb disposal technician in the Alabama Air National Guard. Peanut appears as Mr. Sebben in a re-enactment of the accident that handicapped Phil, when a broken binder clip flew at his face cutting him above his lip. Phil appears in the next photo with his eye patch and it is explained he grew a moustache to cover the scar but an explanation of how he lost his eyes is not given. It’s described how Phil sued the makers of the clip and won using the money to open his own law firm, with his brother Bill (Who is introduced here for the first time in the series). The associated industries of Sebben and Sebben are explained to be leaders in the production of: *Rice *Soy *Hemp *Flavored breast milk *LSD *Breast milk flavored LSD *Those twirly Things on strippers' breasts *Textiles *Tiles *Text *Baltimization *Vintage pointed sticks (Phil's original industry with his father) Sebben and Sebben Mission Statement: :"Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first." Sebben and Sebben Benefits Package: *401k *Blimp-share *Fork-share *Flex Hours Sebben and Sebben Perks: *Daily toilet paper allowance *Chairs (for earners) *Subsidized pens *Air (for earners) *Unrestricted inter-office phone calls *Picked over meeting muffins (by the printer) *Two way stairs *A mostly pest-free environment *Free passes to already free events *Bikram Filing *Take your mistress to work day *Emergency Exits (For senior personnel only) Office Supplies (Provided by Duplicate): *Pencil Sharpeners, 2 Each *Three hole punch, 2 Each *Shredders, 2 Each *Staples, 2 Each *Staplers, 1 Each *Folders, 2 Each *Paper clips, 2 Each Ethics and proper business conduct is defined in a reenactment by peanut. The communications procedures "sending that thing" by use of the interoffice Pneumatiluxe is described in detail by Peter Pottamous. Sebben and Sebben's community service and commitment to the arts is explained with a scene from the annual Shakespeare Festival, featuring Mr. Phil Ken Sebben performing Hamlet's soliloquy. The Key to Sebben and Sebben Success, in 5 simple steps: *Identifying That Thing *Setting your sights on That Thing *Reaching for That Thing *Getting That Thing *Recognition for getting That Thing In a final message from Mr. Sebben... "You're fired." Trivia * The Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law Opening and theme song are not shown in this episode. *This is one of the few episodes in which there is no court case. Category:Episodes